Cinema Wellman: December Screenings
Total Films Screened in December: 64
Final 2022 Total: 867
Current All-Time Total: 7,984
Race to #10,000: 2,016 to go!
List of all 64 films screened in December:
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We ended the year on a high note here at Cinema Wellman! Of the 64 films screened in December, 31 received the 👍 which is 48% of the total films watched. I must have been feeling overly generous due to the holidaze.
The Top 10 this month are extremely current, with 7 of the 10 from 2022. It was a great month of movies!
Except for, you know, where we usually begin...
#5: (tie) 55 Days at Peking (1963) AND Khartoum (1966)
It seems like there are several sure-fire things that get a movie targeted for the Bottom 5 around here. Most romantic comedies, movies that treat women poorly, movies that are insensitive to minorities, movies featuring blackface, and movies dealing with any kind of colonization story. Spoiler alert: the white people are in the wrong when it comes to the colonization thing.
These two films tied for 5th this month because I couldn't differentiate between the two because they were essentially the same movie. Overblown, epic garbage with a combined run time of almost 5 hours. One takes place during the Boxer Rebellion of 1900, the other in late 1880's Sudan. Both feature Charlton Heston. Maybe that's it. Maybe I have an anti Charlton Heston thing. Other than Planet of the Apes, The Omega Man, and Soylent Green of course. Skip both of these.
#4: Before Sunset (2004)
My love for Richard Linklater is well documented, and yet I can't get beyond these Ethan Hawke/Julie Delpy movies. I actually liked Before Sunrise (1995). I remember watching it with a friend and thinking it was interesting and innovative. The dialogue and screen time are pretty much just the two of them talking. Well done.
What I didn't want were TWO MORE OF THE SAME MOVIE! Enough. Please.
And I'm done with Ethan Hawke.
#3: Last Summer (1969)
The only reason I watched this was because of the Best Supporting Actress nomination for Catherine Burns. Rated X upon its release for reasons I can't quite understand, this is a total mess. I hate movies where people who are perceived as attractive, smart, popular, etc. purposely target someone they feel is inferior and hurt them in some way. It happens a lot more often than you would imagine. Barbara Hershey, Richard "John Boy" Thomas, and Bruce "Willard" Davison are the trio that target Burns.
Watching this made me angry. The best part of this was that it only took up 95 minutes of my time.
#2: 2:22 (2017)
The protagonist in this garbage, who I guess we're supposed to care about is an air traffic controller. At the start of the movie, he makes a hot-dog decision ON PURPOSE that puts two airplanes filled with people in imminent danger. The fact that he wasn't put in prison immediately bothered me for the rest of the movie.
It tries to be some kind of Groundhog Day thriller since, as IMDb puts it, "A man's life is derailed when an ominous pattern of events repeats itself in exactly the same manner every day, ending at precisely 2:22 pm."
Boring. Ya boring.
#1: How It Ends (2018)
Later on in the Top 10 portion of this blog, I'll be writing about a movie titled How It Ends. I LOVED that How It Ends, and I HATED this How It Ends. I kind of think movies should be like racehorses. No repeat names. Unless it's a sequel with a number after it or a reboot you should come up with an original title for your film. Something nobody else has used before. I guess that's too much to ask.
This takes place during an apocalypse and features a character struggling to meet up with his pregnant wife who is thousands of miles away.
The following is from IMDb: "Does not explain or attempt to explain the cause of the 'apocalypse.' No characters even care or question it."
Well, if the characters in the movie don't care, why should I?
Before getting into the Top 10, I'd like to quickly mention Diamantino (2018) and Tough Guy: The Bob Probert Story (2019).
Diamantino is a Portuguese sports/fantasy movie featuring a Cristiano Ronaldo type character who misses a monumental PK in the World Cup and then gets involved with a plot hatched by a political group to clone him and "Make Portugal Great Again." and it also involves soccer scenes where he plays on a field with gigantic fluffy puppies. Yup.
Tough Guy: The Bob Probert Story is an informative and often heartbreaking account of the life and times of hockey player Bob Probert. A must see for hockey fans, especially those who enjoyed watching "Probie" play.
In most months, these two would have been locks for the Top 10, but December of 2022 was an especially strong month in Cinema Wellman.
Let's look at that Top 10.
#10: White Noise (2022)
Sometimes I know right away that a movie is going to earn a 👍 or the dreaded 💣right away. I think the all-time record for dropping the 💣 is 11 minutes. That happened this week. Now White Noise was never close to getting the bomb, but I was on the fence between a 👍 and leaving it alone. Movies that I leave alone are ones that were okay but did not stand out in either extreme.
White Noise earned its thumbs up and a spot on this list a few days after I watched it. It's so peculiar at times that I honestly didn't know how to feel about it. The story follows a family (Adam Driver, Greta Gerwig, and four terrific kids) as they deal with everyday life and an airborne toxic event.
Director Noah Baumbach's movies are always worth watching. You know you're going to see something that's going to be original, innovative, and often puzzling. The cast (including Don Cheadle) is tremendous, the family is totally believable as far as the dynamic goes, and the writing is superb.
The product placement in this movie is absolutely off the charts. It's done entirely on purpose, and the products seem to be part of the cast. The closing credit sequence is astonishing and I watched it twice just to see what I missed the first time.
This movie is hard to describe, so I suggest you see it yourself and see what you think.
#9: The Forgotten Battle (2020)
The Forgotten Battle is a Dutch/Belgian war movie that chronicles the Battle of the Scheldt. It was recommended to me by a close friend who claims that he's "not a movie guy." Well, he certainly knew what he was talking about when he suggested I see it.
The Battle of the Scheldt was a series of military operations that saw the Allied forces attempting to open up the shipping route to Antwerp. It was an epic battle that lasted five weeks and involved over 225,000 troops.
The special effects used in the battle sequences are heart-stopping and give the viewer a front row seat to the chaos. This was well done!
#8: Smile (2022)
Almost half of the movies on this month's Top 10 list are horror movies. December tends to be scary here at Cinema Wellman.
Sosie Bacon (Kyra Sedgwick & Kevin Bacon's daughter) plays Rose Cotter, a doctor whose life begins to unravel after seeing a patient commit suicide in front of her. Rose's troubling past does not help her as she begins to question her sanity.
The title comes from the fact that individuals affected by the "evil" have this creepy, vacant smile before they do their heinous deeds. As one critic stated, "This movie will ruin smiles forever," That's a dandy!
I'm not a fan of the jump scare, and there are a couple in this that I think are unneeded, but there are enough regular scares in it to keep you creeped out from start to finish.
That smile will chill you to your core.
#7: Troll (2022)
This is a Norwegian Kaiju film, if there can be such a thing! From IMDb: "Deep in the Dovre Mountains, something gigantic wakes up after a thousand years in captivity. The creature destroys everything in its path and quickly approaches Oslo." Yep! That's Kaiju!
Turns out trolls are a big thing in Scandinavia. I also watched Norway's Trollhunter this month as well. Troll, trolls, all kinds of trolls!
I preferred Troll to Trollhunter for a couple of reasons including the special troll effects. My favorite was when the troll approaches and destroys a troll-themed amusement park. Fantastic! No notes!
Is this silly at times? Oh, yes! But I've never shied away from silly.
#6: Adult Swim: Yule Log (2022)
I honestly don't know where to begin and, for a change, IMDb is no help. "There's just something comforting about sitting around a warm, cozy fire." Sounds like they didn't know where to begin either.
This is a blood-drenched horror comedy that features both a serial killer controlled by his psychotic mother AND a murderous log. Yes. You read that correctly. A murderous log.
I watched this on Christmas night after everyone went to sleep and I may make that a holiday tradition going forward.
Even though the premise of a log flying out of a self-lighting fire to murder people is utterly preposterous, they actually explain why the log is so angry! More explanation given than in the latest Jurassic Park nonsense, that's for sure.
Some of the photography is also quite creative as the director holds focus on the fireplace while time passes through different time periods in the cabin.
Not as silly as it may appear.
#5: The Automat (2021)
I am not old enough to remember going to an automat, and that makes me sad. It seems like they were designed with me in mind. Fresh cooked meals out of vending machines in a commissary-style eatery sound like me. The next best thing to actually going, I guess, is to watch this heartwarming documentary.
Featuring tons of actual footage and interviews with automat regulars including Mel Brooks, Carl Reiner, Elliott Gould, Ruth Bader Ginsburg, and Colin Powell, The Automat is a lovely little trip in the time machine back to a more simple time. A time where a cup of coffee cost a nickel and came out of a dolphin's mouth.
#4: The Sound of 007 (2022)
This is a MUST see for any James Bond fan or any music fan for that matter. The list of artists who have recorded a Bond song is a list of music royalty. Tom Jones, Paul McCartney & Wings, Carly Simon, Duran Duran, Gladys Knight, Tina Turner, Sheryl Crow, Madonna, Chris Cornell, Jack White with Alicia Keys, Adele, and most recently Billie Eilish.
The Queen of Bond Songs is, of course, Shirley Bassey who sang the themes for Goldfinger, Diamonds are Forever, AND Moonraker.
Hearing these talented musicians talk about how honored they were to be given the chance to sing a Bond song, how important that actually is in the music world, was a lot of fun. Just like the movies themselves, not every song is a winner, but I can't hear Dame Shirley Bassey belt out Goldfinger without getting goosebumps. OR Diamonds are Forever for that matter. Jill St. John also gives me goosebumps for other reasons.
#3: How It Ends (2021)
So, if you've been paying attention, and I know you have, you'll notice this is the second movie with the title How It Ends in this month's T10/B5. I actually watched them on consecutive days. I once watched two movies titled Clash back-to-back! One from Egypt and the other from Vietnam. Neither was about the band.
This How It Ends is the good one. From IMDb: "In this feel-good apocalyptic comedy, Liza embarks on a hilarious journey through LA in hopes of making it to her last party before it all ends, running into an eclectic cast of characters along the way.
That "cast of characters" is AMAZING! Whitney Cummings, Nick Kroll, Fred Armisen, Bradley Whitford, Olivia Wilde, Helen Hunt, Colin Hanks, Charlie Day, and even Paulie Shore are along for the ride, albeit briefly, in this upbeat end of days movie.
Zoe Lister-Jones and Cailee Spaeny are the ones doing the heavy lifting here as Liza and her metaphysical younger self respectively. Their chemistry has you believing that they actually are the same person.
Lister-Jones co-wrote and co-directed with Daryl Wein and the result is tremendous. I hope they have many more projects together in the future.
How It Ends portrays an entirely chill end to everything. It's surprisingly positive and says a lot about our relationships and how our younger self has a big impact on our older self.
It makes you think about what you'd do and who you'd want to contact if you were certain things were going to end. One of the things Liza does is make a gigantic stack of pancakes and fill a juice glass with syrup to drink out of while eating. Can't really argue with that.
I loved this movie.
#2: Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery (2022)
More Murder Mysteries, PLEASE!
This second (of I hope many) "Knives Out Mysteries" is just as good as the first. Daniel Craig is the only one returning as detective Benoit Blanc, and he's fantastic once again! I hope he ends up playing Benoit Blanc as many times as he did James Bond.
Since it's a murder mystery, I'm not going to go into any detail whatsoever. Suffice to say that the cast (Kate Hudson, Dave Bautista, Edward Norton, Janelle Monae, Kathryn Hahn, Leslie Odom Jr., Madelyn Cline) is tremendous! Keep your eyes peeled for Hugh Grant, Serena Williams, Ethan Hawke, and Natasha Lyonne in tiny, yet hysterical cameos.
I know who did it! Director/writer Rian Johnson did it...again!
#1: Nope (2022)
Speaking of doing it again, let's talk about Jordan Peele. Movie #1 Get Out (2018). Nominated for four Academy Awards including Best Picture and Best Director, Oscar winner for Best Original Screenplay. Movie #2 Us (2019) which is one of the creepiest doppelganger movies ever. Movie #3 Nope (2022) which I'm anticipating garners some Academy Award nominations when those are announced later this month.
Due to the nature of this (and ALL of Peele's films), I will once again refrain from giving out details. I'll let IMDb handle a brief synopsis: "The residents of a lonely gulch in inland California bear witness to an uncanny and chilling discovery." That's all you'll get out of me. That, and you need to see this! ASAP!
And one more thing...Gordy is nightmare fuel. Pure, high-octane nightmare fuel.
Well, that’s that. That's a wrap for the Best and Worst, the Top and Bottom of the last month of 2022. It was a fun year here at Cinema Wellman, and I hope you'll tag along this year as well as I attempt to watch pretty much everything.
Check out the platforms below if you're interested in seeing any of these movies, and thanks for reading!
Until next time...take care.
Platforms
Here are the platforms on which I screened this month's selected 15:
55 Days at Peking - TCM/Khartoum - hoopla
Before Sunset - Plex
Last Summer - Plex
2:22 - Amazon Prime
How it Ends - Netflix
White Noise - Netflix
The Forgotten Battle - Netflix
Smile - Paramount Plus
Troll - Netflix
Adult Swim: Yule Log - Netflix
The Automat - HBO
The Sound of 007 - Amazon Prime
How it Ends - Amazon Prime
Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery - Netflix
Nope - Peacock
If you have any questions about any of these films, drop me an email: cinemawellman@gmail.com
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